Red Iguana Dawn
Episode 6: Baby-On-The-Way
From: sprowell@grape.cs.utk.edu (Stacy Prowell)
Subject: RED IGUANA DAWN, Episode 6: BABY-ON-THE-WAY
Date: 14 Mar 1994 20:07:06 GMT
Message-ID: <2m2g5aINN5up@CS.UTK.EDU>
[We return again to the secret hideout of Our
Trusted Hero, Faithful PUBLIUS, Bane of Atheists
and Enemy of Autonomous Man.]
[A mysterious figure is taking shape in front of
the Mozumderizer. Knowledgius -- the Vile Atheist
God -- recognizes the figure... it is an old nemesis...]
Knowledgius: [Terror-stricken] No, it can't be! Not
him! I banished him long ago! I'm sure I did! I
put him in my killfile!
Mysterious Figure: Your Scientists have become Folk
Heros by peddling their False Religion to the Masses!
Now you shall Know that those who Trust in Science
are in Sin, while those who have Faith in Religion
are Free in Jesus!
[The figure is taking shape... it is almost fully
visible... almost recognizable...]
Ferret Boy: Har! Now you will know the wrath of
the Great Michael Courtney!
Knowledgius: Huh? Did someone say something?
[Suddenly, as the figure finally takes shape]
Huh? Where did he go? [Looks around]
Ferret Boy: He's right here! You can't escape that
easily!
Knowledgius: I don't see anybody.
Michael: Do not be fooled, young Ferret! The Queen
of Heaven can perform Counterfeit Miracles!
[Knowledgius is walking around the Control Center,
looking under tables, behind drapes, in the
refrigerator, on the bottom of his shoes]
Knowledgius: Come out, come out, wherever you are!
Hey! What's going on here?
In article <2kl6nn$1v47@inca.gate.net>, publius@inca.gate.net (Publius) writes:
|> I posted this some time ago on 'alt.abortion.inequity' but it really
|> belongs here, in a climate dominated by the Atheist 'Doctrine of the
|> Autonymous Self'.
Knowledgius: What? Hey, Mister Iguana, where'd your
friend go? Huh?
Michael: No immoral, impure, or greedy person -- in
other words, an ido -- aw, hell, I'll just fry him.
[Raises hands -- a blast of Pure Radiant Love/Life/
Light pulses across the room to strike Knowledgius,
who is looking in the cookie bowls.]
Knowledgius: Hey! Chocolate Mint, my favorite!
[The bolt fizzles away, leaving Knowledgius unhurt.
Knowledgius apparently does not notice this.]
Knowledgius: Mmf! Myou wanna cookie, <crunch>
Ferret Boy?
Ferret Boy: Michael! Publius! The Repulsive
Atheist God (spit, hack) is getting crumbs all
over the hideout! And I had to disable the
shop vac to repair the telephone!
|> Let's see how long it takes for the talk to turn to
|> 'fetuses''women's rights' and matters that deal with animal husbandry:
Ferret Boy, Knowledgius, and Michael: Huh?
|> "If today, I were a Baby-on-the-Way and were I able to consider
|> my situation rationally, I would tend to assume the Woman carrying
|> me was my Mortal Enemy - until she proved otherwise by becoming
|> my Mother.
Knowledgius: Yeah, whatever. You got any milk?
[Michael advances menacingly toward Knowledgius, who
looks around in the refrigerator for the milk]
Knowledgius: Ah, here it is! [Opens container and
begins drinking milk]
Ferret Boy: Don't drink from the container!
Michael: Vile Idoalter! I'll see you Writhe in
Hell for all Eternity! [He lunges for Knowledgius]
Knowledgius: Are there any glasses up here? [Moves
toward the cupboard... and Michael misses and
collides with the open refrigerator. Knowledgius
tries to close the door...] Hey, the door on the
refrigerator is stuck!
Michael: Urf!
Ferret Boy: Hey, get away from there!
Knowledgius: Sure. Geez, what an inhospitable
bunch, you know?
[Michael lunges from the refrigerator straight for
Knowledgius. But Knowledgius has killfiled Michael
and thus a contradiction ensues. It is resolved by
the Mozumderizer bursting into flame and shorting
out. Michael Courtney vanishes.]
Knowledgius: Hey, this place is a fire hazard, you
know? Ah, I see the mighty Mozumderizer, Bane of
Autonomous Men the world over is finally destroyed.
[Looks around] Well, my work here is complete.
[Knowledgius, taking the remainder of the milk, walks
out of the control room and out the door]
Ferret Boy: [Running to the side of the fallen Publius]
O Mighty Red Iguana, speak to me!
|> - And having survived this ordeal, I would always
|> wonder why it was that our Founding Fathers - as alleged by
|> the US Supreme Court - adopted a Constitution that gave the
|> Woman the absolute right to Terminate me at Will.
|> A former Baby-on-the- Way - PUBLIUS
Ferret Boy: Huh?
[Is this the end for our Hero? Tune in again, and
see!]
--
-- _Stacy Prowell_______sprowell@utkcs.utk.edu_
| |
| The mysterious UNIX paradigm: |
| |
| "No design is better than a bad design." |
| - Ken Thompson |
|____________________________________________|
Red Iguana Dawn
Prev Next
