Red Iguana Dawn

Episode 9:  Born-Again 'FAQ' - Question Two

From: sprowell@grape.cs.utk.edu (Stacy Prowell)
Subject: RED IGUANA DAWN, Episode 9: BORN-AGAIN 'FAQ'-QUESTION TWO
Date: 14 Mar 1994 20:10:53 GMT
Message-ID: <2m2gcdINN60p@CS.UTK.EDU>
[In the previous episode, the Great and Heroic Publius brought back the Magnificent and Glorious Michael Courtney to confront the Vile and Damnable Atheist God, Knowledgius Objectivus. However, due to an unfortunate contradiction involving Knowledgius' killfile, that Tool of Goodness, the Mozumderizer was destroyed, taking Michael Courtney and the Pube Cave with it. By the time Our Heroes Publius and Ferret Boy could escape the inferno of the Pube Cave, Vile Knowledgius had stolen the Amazing Pubemobile, leaving the Defenders of God and Country with only the Ferret Van.]

[Our heroes do not know that even now the Pubemobile is lying in the bottom of a deep ravine, with the Atheist God Knowledgius trapped inside!]

[After many days of travelling across country, then across the waters in the amphibious Ferret Van, Publius and Ferret Boy have reached the island of Logis, home of the Wicked, Wicked Atheist Base of Operations (and Skeptic Hotline). Publius and Ferret Boy have hidden the Ferret Van and have quietly approached the Atheist Compound, which they are even now spying on from the jungle...]

Ferret Boy:  We're too far out to hear what's going on. [Peers through PubeBinoculars] I see several of the Atheist Scum gathering in the courtyard... probably for some Vile and Reprehensible Irreligious Celebration. 
In article <2krbb4$155v@inca.gate.net>, publius@inca.gate.net (Publius) writes:
|>             *'FAQ' - QUESTIONS THAT OUGHT TO BE ASKED - QUESTION TWO*
|> 
|>    QUESTION:"What is the Basic Belief of the Atheist Religion?"
Ferret Boy:  Huh? Hey, the it looks like the Atheists are all saying something... it looks like they are chanting... [Offers PubeBinoculars to Publius, who ignores him] I can't hear what they are saying from here. 
|>      ANSWER: All the Leading Religions of the World believe in a
|>    Living God - except the Atheist which rejects the Concept.
Ferret Boy:  Hey, get with the program here! Don't you even care what they are saying? 
|>    That
|>    is the significance of the ritualistic chant of the True Believers:
|>    "We do not believe in God!"
[Meanwhile, at the Atheist Compound...]

Stacy:  Now then, once more...

All:  [In a monotone...] Wethinkforourselves, wedonotbelieveinGod! Wethinkforourselves, wedonotbelieveinGod! Wethinkforourselves, wedonotbelieveinGod!

Stacy:  I can't hear you!

Xian:  Uh, what are we saying, anyway?

Stacy:  Quiet in ranks! Don't think about it, just say it!

[Back in the jungle...]

Ferret Boy:  Yeah, that seems to be what they are saying. How Vile and Repugnant. What are we going to do? 
|>    -  In place of the Living God, the 
|>    Atheists have created a "God" of sorts, whose Nature is completely 
|>    explainable according to the Laws of Physics and Chemistry, and
|>    whose Possibilities are completely contained within the limits
|>    of the Physical Universe.
Ferret Boy:  Oh, yeah. Knowledgius. That jerk stole the Pubemobile. We sure could use the onboard Auto-Mozumderizer right about now. 
|>    -  The odd twist to this is that the
|>    Followers of this God are superior to him in that they possess
|>    all his Attributes - plus Life.
Ferret Boy:  I don't know, Knowledgius seems pretty lively to me.

[The bushes rustle behind our Heroes. Ferret Boy spins around while Publius ties his shoes.]

Ferret Boy:  [Drawing his pocket anti-nomologizer] Who's there?

Strange Voice:  We know demons exist, otherwise how could people be possessed by them?

Ferret Boy:  Come on out where I can see you.

[The bushes rustle again, and a ragged figure emerges, walking trancelike. The figure's clothes are torn, his hair and skin singed. Ferret Boy looks closely, but cannot tell the newcomer's Race, Gender, or Sexual Orientation. Suddenly he recognizes the stranger... it is Knowledgius!]

Ferret Boy:  Hold it right there, mister "I don't believe without evidence!" What are you doing here?

Knowledgius:  The Face on Mars sent me to tell you that Life-Oriented Religions are Better than Non-Life-Oriented Religions because if you re- define it enough it will all make sense.

Ferret Boy:  Hey, Publius! Knowledgius sounds like he is talking sense! 
|>    This anomaly does not seem to 
|>    diminish the attractiveness of the Atheist Religion for "minds
|>    of a peculiar structure".(George Washington)       PUBLIUS
Ferret Boy:  Right! We better test him. Knowledgius, what's the definition of religion?

Knowledgius:  That depends on what point you are trying to make.

Ferret Boy:  I'm convinced!

[Has Knowledgius really changed sides? Will Xian be punished for talking in ranks? Tune in next time and see!] 
-- 
-- _Stacy Prowell_______sprowell@utkcs.utk.edu_
  |                                            |
  | The mysterious UNIX paradigm:              |
  |                                            |
  |   "No design is better than a bad design." |
  |                             - Ken Thompson |
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