Red Iguana Dawn

Episode 22:  Born-Again 'FAQ' - Question Seven

From: sprowell@grape.cs.utk.edu (Stacy Prowell)
Subject: RED IGUANA DAWN, Episode 22: BORN-AGAIN 'FAQ'- QUESTION SEVEN
Date: 22 Mar 1994 21:04:43 GMT
Message-ID: <2mnmhbINN474@CS.UTK.EDU>
[Famed Loyal Sidekick of the Great Red Follower of James Madison, Ferret Boy, Wearer of the Furry Coat, slams into the door for the fourth time, bruising his shoulder. Nearby, the Great One sits on the edge of the dock and splashes his Iguana Feet in the water.]

[To recap: Knowledgius, Evil Atheist God, has trapped Our Heroes in their own hideout, the Fabulous PubeDome. Publius, Ferret Boy, and the Ferret Van are trapped behind the massive Sea Door, without the remote control to open it. They have been locked out of the Control Room by Knowledgius, who is even now doing Unspeakable Things within.]

Ferret Boy:  [Rubbing shoulder] Publius, I really think we would have a better chance of knocking this door down if you helped me.

[Publius slowly looks up at Ferret Boy, then his eyes travel without interruption to the door, then on to the Ferret Van. Otherwise, he does not move.] 
In article <2lkivk$aka@inca.gate.net>, publius@inca.gate.net (Publius) writes:
>      *'FAQ' - QUESTIONS THAT OUGHT TO BE ASKED - QUESTION SEVEN*
> 
>    QUESTION: "What is the 'Bottom Line' for Atheism in the USA?"
Ferret Boy:  What about the bottom line for us, O Great One? We really need to get in there before Knowledius finds my por- er, before he raids the refrigerator...

[Publius stands and walks to the Ferret Van, where he begins pressing buttons on the Ferret Communicator. Knowledgius appears, a perplexed look on his face. Before him on the console rest a few copies of "Cherry", "Playgirl", and "Swank". He looks up at the camera.

Knowledgius:  Oh, hello. One of these things [he gestures toward the magazines] is not like the others... Any idea what these were doing in the refrigerator? 
>      ANSWER: When Atheism - (the Religion of the Intellect) - overthrew
>    Christianity - (the Religion of the Soul) - it destroyed its Ethic
>    and Social Discipline and replaced it with the product of a 
>    Nihilistic Doctrine that, in one generation, has turned the United
>    States from a Nation that used to be derided for its "Puritanism" 
>    into the World Capital of Crime,Pornography,Drugs,Sexual Perversion,
>    Economic Debauchery, and-on-and-on.
Knowledgius:  Oh, so that's why these were in the fridge. [Smiles happily] Ah, the corrupting influence of Atheism... [Closes eyes and leans back, revelling in his evilness]

[Publius gestures toward the Pube Trend-O-Meter, which is displaying a hellishly complex 3-d surface.] 
>    So, the Trend Curve indicates we had better turn our attention to       
>    the problem of Survival.
Ferret Boy:  Yes! That's right! Help me knock the door- 
>    What to do boggles the mind,
Ferret Boy:  No, just help me knock down the door!

Knowledgius:  [Begins flipping idly through one of the magazines. Suddenly he stops.] Hey, who uses highlighters on these, anyway? 
>    but obviously we must reverse the
>    the process and restore - in some form - the Christian Religion
>    to its rightful place as the State Religion of the United States.
Ferret Boy:  Shoudln't we restore control of the PubeDome first? 
>    And, it must be a joint Christian-Jewish effort since the survival
>    of the Jewish Nation is linked to the survival of the USA.
Knowledgius:  [Tossing the magazine aside] Oh, yeah. You can sell that, no problem. 
>    We must end the polemics and vitiperations and practice Empathy.
Ferret Boy:  How will that help us defeat Knowledgius? How will that get us out of the PubeDome? How will that help us overthrow the Atheists? I don't understand... 
>    We must realize that if the situation gets worse, the desperate
>    Christion Survivors will turn George Washington's Prophecy into 
>    reality and the new Age of Caesarism will be born
Ferret Boy and Knowledgius:  Huh? 
>    - or the worst
>    eventuality, the End predicted in Chapter 20 of the Apocalypse.
Ferret Boy:  [Moving very close to Publius' Iguana head and enunciating every word distinctly and very, very loudly] Do you have a plan to get into the control room?

[Publius looks about distractedly for a few seconds, then frowns.] 
>    Though its implementation will take some doing, the solution
>    is simple:
Ferret Boy:  Ahhh! Finally! 
>    Put an end to the corrosive "Party" system of Government
>    and restore the "Electoral" system written into the Constitution,
>    and fortunately, never changed.
Ferret Boy:  Somehow that completely fails to make even the most remote sort of sense to me.

Knowledgius:  Hey, Rodent Tike! I've got someone's Raquel Darrian videos in here! I found them in the freezer. There's a VCR in the corner... wanna switch sides? We can all vote on it... 
>    So-called "Majority Rule" is a Hoax. Majorities generated  by the
>    "Party" system never rule. They always turn over the Ruling Power
>    to Demagogues.
Knowledgius:  So the Christian majority you want to set up would just hand over power to Pat Robertson, right? Come on, Rodent Tike! Publius has lost his marbles.

[Ferret Boy looks alternately from Publius to Knowledgius.] 
>    The result will be what our Founding Fathers intended: From the
>    People will be refined the Organic Leadership of the best
>    Personalities in the Nation and no one will need fear the results
>    of their deliberations and decisions - not even the Atheists.
>    For the Christians Salvation, for the Jews a step on the Road           
>    toward the hoped-for Messianic Age when - as their Prophet
>    projected - "The Lion will lie with the Lamb".  ....Amen
>                                                    PUBLIUS
[Will Ferret Boy join forces with the Vile Atheist God, Knowledgius? Does Publius have a plan for taking the PubeDome back from the forces of the Unrighteous? Watch for the next episode, and find out!] 
-- 
-- _Stacy Prowell_____________sprowell@utkcs.utk.edu_
  |                                                  |
  | mutter mutter Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka    |
  | mumble mumble mutter mumble who are they anyway? |
  | mutter mumble mumble mutter...                   |
  |__________________________________________________|
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