Red Iguana Sunset
Episode 1: A Stumper Question!
From: sprowell@rocky.cs.utk.edu (Stacy Prowell)
Subject: RED IGUANA SUNSET, Episode 1: A stumper question!
Date: 12 Dec 1994 18:15:02 GMT
Message-ID: <SPROWELL.94Dec12131502@rocky.cs.utk.edu>
[We travel to a high mountaintop in Thailand, where a lone
figure is toiling over a massive device. The figure turns, and
we see the youthful face of the Theistic Genius Bobby Mozumder,
inventor of the Mozumderism.]
Bobby: Ha!
[Across the room a short figure wearing a heavy fur coat enters.
It is none other than Ferret Boy, champion of Good and Protector
of Our Hero, The Mighty Publius! Unfortunately, the
Ever-So-Loyal Ferret Boy was taken prisoner by Knowledgius and
has since been forced to think FREE THOUGHTS. Thus subverted,
Ferret Boy has become a tool of the Evil Abomonation of
Atheism!]
Ferret Boy: [In a monotone] Give up, Mozumder. Knowledgius and
I are wise to your hideous plan. We will stop you.
[Bobby looks up, then quickly looks around.]
Bobby: I din't see Knowlrdgius! You bluffing! Maybe you come
here to Thailand because you 'into little kid!
Ha! And another Ha!
You so tupid! and I mean DUMB! If you had tattoo of 'mother'
you would have character. Instead you have one-way ticket to
HELL!
[Bobby turns back to his work on the massive device, ignoring
Ferret Boy. Suddenly there is a flash of light behind him, and
a Sinister Figure clothed in Shining Blue Rainment of No
Particular Race, Gender, or Sexual Orientation appears! It is
the Vile Atheist God, Knowledgius Objectivus!]
Knowledgius: I'm here now, Bobby! And your little plan is
finished!
Bobby: [Turning and grinning] Wel, Knowleidgus! Welome to
Thailand. I'm sure YOU"VE nbeen here before, though. Ha!
[Bobby wipes some spittle off his chin.] You've arrived just
in time... to be the irst 'victim' of this FULLY OPERATIONAL
and ULTIMATELY OPWERFUL Mozumderizer!
[With a flourish Bobby reaches down and flips the switch. The
Mozumderizer surges to life!]
Bobby: First I wil take care ff the young, lusty Ferret Boy
over there. THen you arE NEXT! Ha! SOPON YOU BURN IN FLAMES
OF HELL< KNOWLEGIS! What you do then? Nothing!
[Before Knowledgius can stop him, Bobby presses a button on the
Mozumderizer and a bolt of bright red energy lashes out,
striking Ferret Boy directly in the forehead. Ferret Boy falls
to the ground, convulsing.]
Bobby: Peace. Now, you turn, Lmpe;rfhoid@
Knowledgius: Uh, you really got my name wrong there, Bobby. I
think your hands were too far right on the keyboard.
Ferret Boy: Uh, woah. Hey! Atheismisareligionwhichdefinesagod
whosenatureisthecompositeoftheworkingsofthelawsofthephysical
universe! Oh, how could I have been so stupid! At last I am
free of Knowledgius' power! I'll never think free thoughts
again!
Knowledgius: Darn! It's a good thing I have come here to
destroy that pesky Mozumderizer. With it around the world
isn't safe for Autonomous Men.
Bobby: In heaven there be line of men outsie the tent of every
woman and girl. Too later for you! You stupid anthromphonic
god of atheists! Can't they do no better?
[Just then another figure appears. It is a figure dressed in a
red spandex body suit, wearing a bright red Iguana-like head.
It is none other than Publius, Our Hero and Champion of Good
Vibes about Religion, Definer of Clearer Definitions, Simplifier
of the Over-Simplified, Circulator of Theses, and Champion of
George Washington!]
Publius <publius@gate.net> writes:
> As I said: Atheists can only conceive of an Anthropomorphic God,
> and whatever cherecteristics such a God might possess.
Ferret Boy: Publius! Oh, please forgive me!
[Publius spies the Mozumderizer.]
> Primitive. PUBLIUS
[So having said, Publius wraps one arm around the Massive
Mozumderizer and both Our Hero and the Beautiful Device of
Correct Thought vanish!]
Ferret Boy: Publius! Wait!
Knowledgius: Hey! Was that Publius? I thought I took care of
him!
Bobby: My Mozumveriser! Ha! It is stolen@! Ha@! What I do
now? Nothing? Perhaps I go to Thailand? Ha, I already in
Thailand!
[Suddenly Publius reappears and looks around blankly. Ferret
Boy runs up and wraps his arms around Our Hero. The two vanish,
leaving Bobby Mozumder and Knowledgius]
[High above the earth, in the Magnificent PubeStation, Ferret
Boy watches as Publius connects the Mozumderizer.]
Ferret Boy: Publius, what happenned! I thought Knowledgius
destroyed you!
Disembodied Voice: He did. Such is the True Wickedness of
Istar, to destroy the Salvation and Savior of the Righteous!
But their time on this Earth is Limited, for the Coming Storm
is the Lord's, and these wicked physical things shall be swept
away in its cleansing winds.
Ferret Boy: [Astonished] Publius? Was that you? Did you
actually answer a direct question? If Knowledgius destroyed
you, how can you be here?
Disembodied Voice: I brought him back. I am Michael Courtney.
Ferret Boy: [Awed] M-michael Courtney? How did you bring
Publius back?
Michael Courtney's Disembodied Voice: Coming against the Queen
of Heaven is spiritual warfare and difficult business.
Fortunately, God allows many things to strengthen our
character from the inside. God has so strengthened my
character that I truly hate my mother and father, brother and
sister -- yes, even my own life. This, says Luke, is the way to
follow God. Becuase of my devotion, the demonic bond was
broken, and I saw Publius come back into the reality of all
things made new, as it was in Second Corinthians. Remember,
Ferret Boy, the promise of Christ is abundant Life!
Ferret Boy: Oh, it's so clear! I understand! But why did
Publius steal the Mozumderizer?
Michael Courtney's Still Disembodied Voice: Because I am but a
mind wandering. I am truly Weak in the Flesh. Plus, MIT
kicked me out again. Besides, Bobby is of the wrong religion,
and therefore does not deserve the device he created. Anyway,
you'll see why soon enough, Young Ferret!
[Publius finishes connecting the Mozumderizer and activates it,
turning a dial from "Islam" to "Christianity". A bolt of red
energy lashes out into the air. A figure takes form...]
Ferret Boy: Michael? But you don't look like Michael Courtney
at all!
Michael Courtney's Disembodied Voice in Strange Body: Fear not,
Ferret. It is a disguise, all part of Publius' Great Plan.
Soon the Atheists with their Folk Religion and their Science
will Bow before the Son of God. This is a disguise of the
flesh, Young Ferret. I am an Apostle in Scripture, sent to
Plant the Seed of Christ's Church.
[What is Publius' Great Plan? Will Our Hero finally defeat the
Evil Atheists with the help of Michael Courtney? What is his
disguise? Look for the answers in the next vaguely stirring
episode of Red Iguana Sunset!]
--
-- _Stacy J. Prowell_______________sprowell@cs.utk.edu_
| |
| "Oh no! It's Stacy! Brace for impact, everyone!" |
| - Dan Johnson |
| in Chapter 16 of Red Iguana Noon |
| by Arturo Magidin |
|____________________________________________________|
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