Red Iguana Sunset
Episode 2: Is God Genetic? (part 1)
From: sprowell@rocky.cs.utk.edu (Stacy Prowell)
Subject: RED IGUANA SUNSET, Episode 2: IS GOD GENETIC? (Part 1)
Date: 21 Dec 1994 19:09:50 GMT
Message-ID: <SPROWELL.94Dec21140950@rocky.cs.utk.edu>
[When last we left our Intrepid Heroes, they had just
used the stolen Ultimate Mozumderizer to disguise the
Great Michael Courtney. What is this disguise, and
what plan does Our Hero, the Mighty and Pithy Publius,
Wearer of the Red Iguana Suit and Unclutterer of
Ideology, have to Undo the Sinister Doings of the Vile
and Contemptible Atheist Rabble?]
[Instead of answering this perfectly good question, we
travel to the God-Forsook Evil Island of Logis, home
of the Wicked, Wicked Evil Atheist Conspiracy (and
Skeptic Hotline), where a Dark and Sinister Force is
gathering to meet.]
[As in Red Iguana Noon, imagine this scene in black and
white to help set a mood reminiscent of Dr. Strangelove.
The surroundings are -- of course -- Wicked and Vile.]
[The Evil Atheists enter the Secret Meeting Room and
gather around a large table.]
Stacy: Is everybody here? Are we going to order food?
Dan: I'm here. Hey, what's Stacy doing with the gavel?
I thought we agreed that was a bad idea. And we also
agreed ordering food was a bad idea.
Arturo: Yeah. We decided to randomly select a leader by
drawing names from a hat. Everybody write your names
on a piece of paper and put it in this hat [produces
a fez].
Diane: Is that a fez?
Arturo: Well, yes.
Diane: Okay. Who called this meeting anyway?
Arturo: Andrew did. Have you written your name yet?
[The Horrid and Contemptible Atheists scribble for a few
seconds, depositing their Vile and Disgusting names in
the hat. Arturo draws a name...]
Arturo: Orithyia. Hey! Who put the cat in the hat?
Andrew: Uh, Ted Geisel?
Arturo: Ha ha. Very funny. [Reaches in again.] Okay,
the meeting will be chaired by Stryder.
Orithyia: Hiss!
Stryder: Heh heh! Step aside, Kitty. Ouch! Hey, Stacy,
control your cat! Okay, committee reports. First, the
Evil Atheist Gadget Committee. Stacy?
Stacy: The people from alt.sweedish.chef.bork.bork.bork
demanded their Encheferizer back, so I had to return it.
Well, we're still having problems with the Contradiction
Pointer-Outer, but I think I have a really good idea what
the problem is and...
Xian: Do we have to listen to Stacy's hair-brained
ramblings?
Stacy: Hey!
Arturo: Like the Free-Thought Enforcer that burned down
the old research laboratory?
Andrew: And that whole dumb Encheferizer plan?
Xian: And don't forget that stupid Red Iguana Rug fiasco.
Stacy, did it ever occur to you what a rug made from an
iguana skin would look like? And did you ever think
what an orange cat lying on a red iguana skin rug would
look like?
Stacy: Hmm... No... But now that you mention it, Ferret
Boy would make a much nicer rug. I have a new plan...
All: Stuff it!
Stryder: The chair finds the Evil Atheist Gadget Committee
out of order. Next is the Evil Atheist Scientists for a
Better Tomorrow.
Dan: We changed the name. Now it's Evil Atheist Scientists
for a Hideous, Black Tomorrow.
Stryder: Oh. Well, report.
[Meanwhile, John Kress enters the room and takes a seat.]
Dan: Hello, John! I turn the floor over to my distinguished
colleague Andrew Lias.
Andrew: As some of you know, we have been working for some
time on a Very Very Secret Project. It is now complete.
Gentlemen, I give you the Ultimate Plan!
[Andrew switches on an overhead projector and displays a
spotted rectangle with one red spot.]
Stacy: What is that? A thematic map of Colorado? An
orthogonal leopard? 1001 dalmations in a bread box?
Andrew: No, it's better. It's the human genome.
Stacy: And the red spot? The Communist gene we've been
looking for?
John: Communism is the same as atheism.
All: What?
John: Neitzsche said so.
All: Oh.
Stacy: So, it's the Communist gene, right?
Andrew: Nope. It's the genetic anomaly which allows
spiritual discernment. It's the Theist Gene.
All: Gasp!
Andrew: Gasp is right. And, even better, we have this!
[Produces a small vial.] The Fire of the Gods!
Xian: And that would be...?
Andrew: A retro-virus which will eliminate the Theist Gene
once and for all.
Xian: Brilliant!
Stacy: I was planning that myself... I just wasn't quite
as far along but...
Stryder: The chair finds the Arch-Atheist out of order.
Why don't you go back to writing satire or something?
Arturo: Hey! I just noticed that Arch-Atheist is an
anagram for "Satire Hatch!"
Stryder: We care. You are out of order. Andrew has the floor.
Andrew: That's it.
Dan: Thank you, Andrew. Now, the only thing stopping us
from releasing this virus is a human test. Obviously none
of us are good candidates. It has to be a theist, the more
extreme the better.
Diane: What about that wierd psychic link fellow?
Dan: No, we thought we'd pick someone even nuttier.
Diane: Publius?
Dan: Exactly.
John: But Publius is Crafty and Clever, and is Capable of
Spiritual Discernment. Who is like unto Publius? There
is no answer. Publius will not be fooled by the Wicked
Folk Reigion of the Queen of Heaven!
All: What?!?
John: Uh, that's from, uh, some book by Neitzsche.
All: Oh.
[This may be the most Vile and Contemptible Wicked Plan the
Scrofulous Atheists have ever concocted! Will they succeed?
Will Our Magnificent Hero be converted to a Mindful Autonomous
Man? Look for the next Exciting Episode, and See!]
--
-- _Stacy J. Prowell_______________________sprowell@cs.utk.edu_
| |
| "But what about the long run?" - curious economics student |
| "In the long run we are all dead." - John Maynard Keynes |
|____________________________________________________________|
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